U-Turn

There's a lesson I'm told it's important to learn early on in the parenthood experience. It's really a lesson that everyone should know, parent or not - No matter how much you plan or hope or try to exert control, sometimes things don't go the way you expect.

Yesterday we were operating on the assumption that everything was fine and that we'd be delivering our baby in the water via midwife at a birthing center. Tonight I'm in a hospital room hooked to an IV delivering fluids with hormones in place to induce my labor.

At the moment, the baby is still doing relatively well, but today we learned that my placenta has been slowly degrading over the last month. It happens sometimes with older first time mothers. What this means is that the baby hasn't been getting the optimal levels of nutrition for proper growth and as a result my amniotic fluid is very low.

The good news is that we caught it before it was too late. Nature is an amazing and powerful thing and the baby has been diverting all the nutrients he has been getting to his brain and organs so he is still relatively healthy. He's a little small and his abdominal measurements are off by about a month but according to the doctor he still has a great chance to be perfectly fine.

The bad news is that there's a fairly good chance he won't tolerate the strain of delivery well, which is why we have to be in a hospital where he can be monitored closely and intervention can be taken immediately if anything goes wrong.

I'm feeling very conflicted at the moment. I'm a little sad, trying to wrap my head around a completely different labor and delivery than what we had hoped for. I'm worried about the baby, and worried for myself. It's hard not to feel sorry for myself and wonder if this is a result of somthing I did or didn't do.  

Suddenly, being in a hospital surrounded by medical equipment and hooked to various machines makes this whole endeavor of having a child seem so much more serious, so much more real than it was this morning and I haven't had time to adjust. I feel like I'm on one of those carnival rides that spins incredibly fast while you stick to the wall and the floor drops out. 

Jeff is here beside me and he's been an incredible advocate already. I'm going to try to get a few hours sleep and we'll start the active process of inducing labor tomorrow morning around 10am.

Please send good thoughts our way. 

Comments

[Cee]

Thinking of all three of you, and sending good thoughts and happy vibes. I'm sure that even though this mightn't be the birth you imagined, it will still be fine, and that both you and your boy will do wonderfully.

[madge]

I don't want to say a c-section is "no big deal." Or any medically assisted birth for that matter. I know it's hard when dreams and reality don't match up.

But, having had two very medically assisted births, I can assure you that once the healthy baby is in your arms, you will not care a whit about how he got there.

Best of luck, Teebs. I'll be thinking about you guys today.

[Kristen]

He's coming soon! YAY.

[Alexa]

"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." Repeat.

I will be thinking of you.

[Mom101]

It sounds like you have fantastic, caring doctors and a wonderful hospital. Wireless, wow! Fingers crossed and can't wait to hear the story of how your perfect baby boy entered the world.

[wordgirl]

If I could be right there with you...I would be. Of course, you know this, but all that matters is the health of the baby as well as your own well-being. IT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. The rest of that idyllic stuff only matters if the planets line up...or if seven minutes pass and Ann Coulter doesn't tell a lie, whichever comes first. Later, when you're holding that little guy in your arms, the rest will be immaterial. How he got here won't be nearly as important as the fact that he IS here. Oh my...this is a wonderful time for you two. Of the days in my life I'd like to live over again, giving birth to my sons would top the first three on the list. Be strong. We're sending you our most powerful thoughts...to both of you. And don't forget to breathe. We love you guys.

[Suzanne]

Sending lots of positive vibes your way -- it sounds like you are in terrific hands.

[Heather]

Wow! I know it wasn't what you expected, but as long as you're a family of three that's what's important. Sending good vibes and excited for you both!

[Chris]

*hug* for you and Jeff. I am thinking about all of you and sending lots of good vibes your way!

[mdog]

things will work out -- they always do. can't wait to meet [i.e see pictures of via internet] the little guy!

also let it be noted that i am amused at your "oligohydramnios" tag.

[DebbieDoesLife]

Sending all positive thoughts and prayers your way Teebs!

[mamatulip]

Sending you tons of positive thoughts! Good luck, Teebs!

[jess]

Good luck, TB. I'll be thinking about you, Jeff, and the baby.

[Violet]

Sending heaps of good vibes, happy thoughts, baby strength and as much calm and soothing energy as possible! The process may not be what you were hoping for, but the outcome is still going to be totally AMAZING! I can't wait to see pictures and hear how it all went down.. GO BABY GO!

[Jessie]

You definitely have all my good thoughts today. Good luck to you, Jeff, and the baby.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Good luck and good vibes.

[DD]

Damn! I was hoping when I said you would be induced, it wouldn't happen (oddly what I wish for on other occassions doesn't happen - curse you, karma!)

I will certainly hold you, Jeff and Baby Boy deep in my heart and that everyone experiences something beautiful and amazing.

[Elizabeth]

I'm sending big hugs and positive vibes your way! You will be a Mama before you know it!

[V-Grrrl]

I'm so, so glad they caught the problem with the placenta. That's great news. In another time and place, that might not have been possible.

As you know my pregnancy with A took an unexpected turn when out of the blue, my water broke in a huge gush at 33 weeks. I remember well telling myself to be calm and pray and breathe and not worry, but that once I was in the bed with the monitors and the IV, I felt so alone. But in the end, we did OK. You and Myles and Jeff will too. Hang in there. We're all standing by sending love and prayers your way.

[magpie]

Lots of luck to you!

[Ceece]

I'm so glad that you guys caught it and OHMYGODHOLYSHIT! can you believe he'll be here soon.

Agreeing with the others above, once he's here and safe it really won't matter how it happened.

Good luck and hugs and prayers and everything positive!

[Christina]

Wow, I hope my hospital has wireless. :)

Seriously, I hope everything goes smoothly and you have that healthy baby in your arms soon.

[JO]

I have no real perspective yet) from which to write about labor/delivery, but for once I have a definite calmness and happiness that I just feel Myles is going to be here soon and more importantly, be healthy. I don't get those "ESP"-ish sensations much, so when I do, I feel extra convicted about them. The delivery may not match your dreams, but he will exceed every one of them. Very soon! We love you guys and are anxious to hear the wonderful news!!!!!!!! J&S

[Angela]

Bottom line, it's all about healthy baby, healthy mama. Guilt has no place at such a joyous event. Enjoy meeting your little one! Saying a prayer for you all...

[Cecilia]

reading your story brings back memories of going into labor with my oldest son at 34 weeks.
you'll do great, and before you know it your little guy will be with you!