That's Not a Shitake Mushroom

Yesterday I gathered my first two mangoes from the tree in our yard. Actually it will probably be the last two for this year because I think we already missed mango season.

They were still warm from the sun and they were delicious. I got so excited I dropped some on my white shirt without noticing. Then I went out and had to walk around with a mango stain between my boobs for the rest of the day.

We had an incident last night. It's never happened before and I hope it never happens again.

Jeff and I had gone out exploring yesterday afternoon. Actually we were going to look at a kitchen island that I saw on sale last week (Our new kitchen is tiny and sorely lacking for counter space. There is room for a small island/chef's table that would help me out a lot when I cook) but when we went back they were sold out.

To console ourselves, we went to a wine bar and had a few glasses and a delicious pizza with chimichurri. Who says Fort Myers has no culture! On the way home, we decided to stop off at a rooftop bar overlooking the water to watch the sunset.

We were probably gone four hours and when we got home, slightly buzzed, (on a Monday, I know!) I made us plates with hummus, pasta salad and some antipasto. We sat down in the living room to eat because we don't have a dining area in this little house. That's when it happened.

As we were laughing and talking about Deadwood and how it's the best show on TV right now, cocksuckers, Jeff reached down next to him on the couch and put out his hand. "What's this?" he asked as he held something out to me. "I think I dropped a mushroom from my salad."

It didn't take us long to figure out that it was, in fact, not a mushroom but instead was a piece of cat shit from the tidy pile next to Jeff. ON THE COUCH.

Somebody pooped on the couch. This sort of thing does not happen in our house as we normally like to confine defacation to a few areas, limited to the bathroom and the litter box.

Jeff recoiled in horror. He was pretty traumatized by the whole thing as he had been the one holding the terd in his hand and had narrowly missed tossing it back into his pasta salad. But really, I didn't feel that sorry for him. I blame him for the whole incident to begin with. Here's why:

In our old house in Columbus, we kept the litter box in the basement. There was a cat door from the house and another door to the outside from the basement so Lucy and Petey could come and go as they pleased. It was an awesome set up.

Here in Florida, we have no cat doors yet. We do have a huge screened porch on the back of the house and that's where I've been keeping the litter box. The cats have been spending most of their time outside, but this presents a problem at night and when we go out because we have to bring the box inside. It's kind of a hassle until we come up with another solution.

Jeff has been trying to convince me that cats, like dogs, can be trained to go outside and that a cat door is a bad idea because it will open a hole that makes the house less energy efficient. Our cats have always had access to either outside or their box whenever they have needed it but Jeff is insistent that they should be able to learn to go when we let them out.

Yesterday, we put the cats in the house without the litter box when we went out, testing Jeff's theory.  I say he's just lucky no one took a dump on his pillow.

I think we'll be putting those cat doors in sometime next weekend.

Comments

[J]

Cat door installation begins now!

[mamatulip]

This is the funniest thing I've read in a LONG time. Get crackin' on those cat doors! LOL!

[wordgirl]

Eeeww. Close call for Jeff! Yeah..the whole litter box thing is a problem for indoor or indoor/outdoor cats. Ours stay outside the whole time, but their cat door leads to a screened porch, too. In the winter, we put a little heater out there for them. Yeah...I'd get those doors in pretty quickly, too.

[Jess]

Ah, the protest poop. Not to be confused with the protest pee, or the protest vomit (my cat's personal favorite).

My cats don't go outside since they would be killed within minutes (I have a Maine Coon and Ragdoll, and both of them are total idiots and would immediately walk into a dog's mouth or in front of a car) but I had an indoor/outdoor cat growing up. She didn't have a litterbox until she was older and in less control of her bodily functions. We didn't have a pet door, either. But I guess it's hard to teach old cats new tricks and all of that.

[Kristen]

Sorry. All I read was that you ate mangoes from your own tree.

Wah.

That's awesome.

[V-Grrrl]

Gosh Teebs, I'm glad this post didn't include a recipe for cat shit pasta salad.

When we moved to Belgium, I was so worried our 12 year old cat would freak out. She had never left our house in the U.S. other than for an annual vet check and was plenty skittish.

She did the overseas flight with no drugs and adapted seamlessly, first to our apartment, later to our house. However, while everything else might have changed, the litterbox set up has not.

[mothergoosemouse]

I'm just giving silent thanks that he didn't pop the turd into his MOUTH, thinking it was a mushroom.

(Personally, I hate mushrooms, so I'd be hard pressed to decide which is more unappetizing - eating a turd or a 'shroom.)

[Sarah-Jean]

LOL yeah I think that was the best way to get him to put the cat doors in...

It seems like all husband have to learn that way...

I'm with mothergoosemouse.... Cat turds are right up there mushrooms. I would prefer to avoid both at all times!

[karen]

You cannot teach an old cat new tricks.

[Rebecca]

Poor Jeff!

I think Cat Doors are needed but I do want to support Jeff by saying that Cats will use the outside for their business. Of course mine took awhile to figure that out and I still keep a litter box inside (since she doesn't have uncontrolled access to the yard). Good luck with it all!

[Jessie]

I say that is some good motivation right there!

[DD]

How many times has he washed his hands since the "incident?"

I'd double check your shoes, too.

[Suebob]

I took a cat behavior seminar from a vet who specialized in "litterbox avoidance" (the polite term for "Damn cat is pooping in my house!") issues. She said she had a 14 page questionnaire that she had people fill out because cats have so many different reasons they stop pooping in the box.

I think the cat doors will work just fine.

[mdog]

ew.

[Arabella]

I think I'll be avoiding mushrooms for a while....

I remember reading one of the fake headlines from the left-hand column of the Onion a few years ago: "Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat!"

The mangoes do sound pretty awesome, though. Ditto the wine bar and beautiful sunset!

[Elizabeth]

Cat poop and mushrooms=ick.

Fresh mangoes and sunsets=yum!

[Dawn]

Seriously - that was mighty funny

"Is this a mushroom?" HAHAHAHAHHAHA.

And Energy efficient in FLORIDA versus random cat shit placements? Um, Yeah. Doors shall be installed all over the freaking place.

My old cat used to pee in my clean laundry as protest. Nothing like cat piss on your washcloth to get the message across.

[V-Grrrl]

Mothergoosemouse, Sarah-Jean, and Elizabeth,

Maybe that's the reason they're called SHITake mushrooms. ; )

[Chris]

LMAO - at your post and at V-Grrrl's comment!

[Nancy]

Whew. I'm also glad he didn't just pop it into his mouth.

Yes, that was definitely a protest poop. Better get cracking on those cat doors or get another litter box to leave in the house at all times.