In Your Head

I may have seen every zombie movie ever made. I don't know what it is that I love so much about this genre. I don't normally like horror films. They scare the bejesus out of me and I scream like a little girl. The only kind I can watch are movies about satanic possession, because I just think they are funny. The Exorcist - hilarious. The Omen - comedy gold.

But zombie movies are something else entirely. I think I like them because unlike slasher movies or psychological thrillers, I know that the scenario of the world being overrun with zombies is highly unlikely.

That being said, I still have a survival plan in place if the zombie apocalypse ever does happen. I think it's good to be prepared man, because you just never know. Here are a few of the things I've observed that might help you if you ever find yourself in the middle of a zombie situation:

• There will always be a cool ethnic guy that knows what to do. Stick with him until he gets killed - he inevitably will - then make sure you have a good back-up plan.
• If you can hole up in a shopping mall, or other secure location where you have food, water and shelter, for the love of God, just stay there. Also? Free clothes and makeup.
• If anyone in your group has been bitten by a zombie, or otherwise starts exhibiting symptoms of being ill, just bash them in the head and put them out of their misery.
• If anyone that you meet along the way is a screamer, just leave their ass behind. You don't need them harshing on your stealth.
• Ditto for anyone who is old, infirm, very young or otherwise useless. They will only slow you down.
• It might seem like a good idea to try to get to a safe place, like a military installation. Don't do it. Those fuckers won't help you.

In my zombie survival plan, Jeff and I will grab Myles and load up the with Lucy and Petey (our cats). We'll drive to the nearest camping store and stock up on survival gear and weapons. We will mow down anything in our path as we continue on to a grocery store for food, water and booze. Then we'll go get the boat, launch it into the middle of the Gulf of Mexico and stay there until all the zombies are dead. The only thing that might put a crimp in this plan is if zombies can swim. But based on everything I've seen in the movies, this plan is solid.

In case you are interested, here is my list of the best zombie movies ever made:

Night of the Living Dead - the original 1979 George Romero version is the seminal Zombie film

Dawn of the Dead - Another Romero classic, filmed in Monroeville, PA home of Rolling Rock

Dawn of the Dead - the remake from 2004 is surprisingly kick-ass, except for the part with the zombie baby. That was just plain stupid. Great soundtrack, great action.

28 Days Later - the best of the modern zombie movies.

Resident Evil - Adapted from the video game, lots of action, screens like you're watching a video game, plus Milla Jovovich is hot and she kicks ass.

Comments

[Lori]

Have you seen Shaun of the Dead? It's great!!! :)

[schmutzie]

I love the zombie flicks! If it's got zombies, I'm all over it.